Another long day 

Work was once again not productive. Most of my day was spent reading fan fiction. Star treck haha! The day was way to long.
T is off for a guys weekend. He sends me pictures through out of what he is up to and it makes me smile. I miss him, this feels like it’s our first weekend apart sence we have been together. When he sends Me little messages and pictures I feel closer to him. 
Tomorrow will be a month for us. It’s funny how fast it has gone, and yet it feels like there are so many hills to climb before we can just be together. Not around one another, not physically together, but to actually BE together. When we can see one another in the day to day of life. When we can share a home and not just our beds and spaces for a few days. I have never been patient, and with him I am very eager. Not for the reasons one might think though. While a small part of it is because I don’t like being alone, the bigger more resounding part is the excitement of knowing him. I’m eager to see all the things living together uncovers. How does he unwind? Is he a messy person? How will our first fight be? Will he like my cooking? How does he leave the sink after he shaves? I haven’t been excited to find these things out before.
Way back when me and B first moved  in to the basement at my parents old house, it was just a progressive thing. He stayed over a lot and I felt like I knew him enough that it just felt like the next step. It’s funny because here now with T, he comes over a lot, and I spend a lot of time there, but I feel so much excitement and hope I didn’t feel with B. Perhaps it’s because before he would move with me I get to make my own home? Maybe it’s because to me he is this mysteriously quiet creature who I want to mind meld with to know all he doesn’t say? Either way it’s a new feeling for me and it’s very welcome.
It’s strange to say, but I’m eager to see our dynamic strengthen after a fight. I know we will have good and bad days, and at times I’ll probably drive him crazy. The past 9 years have shown me that while I like to be semi submissive, I also am a very determined person when it comes to sticking  things out. If he really will continue to stay the same, if the emotional care stays after the honeymoon stage, if he will work just as hard as I will to maintain it if it doesn’t, then I really think I have found my other half. It’s not something I say in passion, or want to yell at strangers, it’s something I feel in my core. It’s a feeling of belonging and comfort that is such a shield for me at the moment when so many things are going nuts around me.
The possibility of being in my own place in a month or so us becoming more real every day. The fact he wants me, really wants me, is becoming more solid. While my job situation is turbulent, as long as those two things line up for me, the rest will follow.


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