Balance 

He often talks about this. 

Last night I was frustrated. I vented to him about B and I guess after listening to my tirade he had heard enough.

The tone of his voice stopped me. While he is often quiet, his voice is very expressive. I am glad he trusts me enough to tell me when I’m frustrating him. I’m proud I noticed and stopped to check in with him.

Hearing about B all the time when he can’t fix it frustrates him. Seeing me so angry annoys him. The fact he called me out on it, makes me love him even more.

Don’t get me wrong, it also makes me want to run circles of damage control. It makes me want to cling and make sure I have not broken things. I’m not used to a partner with a strong will. I value it immensely, but the submissive in me has to learn how to handle it.

Not every observation is Armageddon. When I ruffle his feathers, it doesn’t mean he will wash his hands of me. These experiences are opportunities for growth, not bolt risks.

I think it’s just that I want to make him proud. I want to do my best to not drive him crazy because he is such a safe place to me, and I love and value him deeply.

When it was said and done, we fell asleep snuggled up. This morning he held me for 10 minutes as he always does. These actions, his commitment and stability will eventually calm the  immediate response of damage control when no real damage has been done.

It’s a response I fully recognize and know isn’t logical. I’m working on it. With time and patience I know I will get there. For now though, I’m just eager to see him again. This feeling is something I will always try to be my best for.

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